Love must be tough

[jodyb_72401]

My ex has been out of town all week with the baby at her sisters hosue. I ussally call everyother day to check on the baby ( i can't stand to be away from her. But i haven't called all week. I haven't talked to my wife all since i told her that if shouldn't could change her ways and stop staying a guy friends housees then there is no reason for us to try to fix our marrage. Well she called me today at 7 am at work. I haven't answered my phone at home all week (tring to be strong and don't talk to her and show that I am sticky to what i said). She asked what i was doinng friday I told her working then getting the baby and we were going out of town to my family house for the weekend she was wanting to use my truck to move somestuff (she need to move some more stuff into her new house) I told her I allready made plans. Then she asked if next sat i could watch the baby and a friends little girl ( they live out of town and are friends of both of us) so they could go out. Once again I said I allready had plans ( it is her weeknd to have the baby) I ussally get the baby when ever she wants me to. But know i am tring to show her that if she doen't want to share her life with me then i too am going to go my own way. This is verry hard for me to do. But i know i can do it. She tried to talk to me somemore but i told her i was at work and need it to go. The book gave me the reinsurce that i need to do this. I feel bad that i gave up a day to see my little girl but I am tring to look at the over all pic. As long as i cater to needs and want she has no reason to come back. I am not give her, her cake and letting her eat it also. This is a time for me to be strong and stick ot what i say. When i getting off the phone she told me that she has been thinking about what she said the other day. And wanted to talk about it when i stop by to get the baby for the weekend. Who knows what she has to say. But I am ready for what ever it is. One way or another this chapter of my life is going to come to and end. I hope in the next chapter she is there with me, but if she isn't I will just have to keep going. And once again I think u so much for telling me about the book, and for all of your help. And sorrry yours didn't work out for u but u seem like u are a strong person for what had happon. Best wishes on your life.

[4gvnAngel]

I have been following your story and i am so sorry that she chose to leave. I have no doubt that she will one day regret her choices. Praise God for His grace to you. You seems so strong compared to your other posts and I am assuming that you are drawing from Him and His neverending supply! God Bless you as you embark on this new and difficult chapter in your life but be encouraged that the Lord is working for the good in all situations for thoes that love and fear him and are called by his name.
Check this out if you'd like....

http://www.debsspot.com/change.htm

[Austruck]

Jody, thanks for the good wishes. Yes, I have moved on, and if anyone had told me six years ago when my world fell apart that I'd be happy again (I mean, REALLY happy), I wouldn't have believed it.

I admit it can still hurt sometimes (divorce is the gift that keeps on giving!), but not the same way. And my new marriage has a richness and appreciation-level to it that I never dreamed possible. It certainly wasn't possible in my first marriage. I'd never have guessed what God was going to be doing in my life, but He HAS been faithful and very merciful.

Stick to your guns, dear friend. It WILL be hard, but just remember that she has a lot of changing to do before you BOTH can work on a marriage together. Whatever problems you might have contributed are secondary to the basic separation/divorce issues right now.

There's no point in rehashing whatever quirks of yours she might not like until/unless she changes some fundamental behavior.

The nice thing about living up to the Dobson book's recommendations is that you can sleep at night because your conscience is clear. And you know you're thinking long-term rather than letting your emotions rule all the time. It's also nice to finally realize that this person in your life can't punch the "hot buttons" any more and get their way, when their way isn't the right one!

We're praying for you!

Blessings,
Linda

[Austruck]

Oh,

P.S. I agree that part of being strong right now is not giving in to her requests to change the schedule with the baby. That too shows her that she can get what she wants (and you probably don't want to be part of making it easier for her to be with other men or anything, right?).

Part of her consequences is trying to live with the schedule that's there, and learning to restrain her social life to conform to what her baby needs. This is basic common sense, IMHO.

[keithster]

Keep the faith. It is tough, but you can and must do it. A marriage is no marriage if one person has all the power and there are no consequences for that person.

At some conference I heard a couple talk about their 20 year old son who was living at home, was on drugs, didn't work, and pretty much did as he pleased. They'd sent him skiing with friends while they went to the conference. One of the parents said that the kid had a problem and they were concerned.

The speaker said that the kid didn't have a problem. He got to do whatever he wanted and had no problems. It was the parents who had problems from his behavior. He told them that they had probably bailed him out all his life and that they needed to make his behavior his problem. They said they were going to go home and start charging him rent create some real consequences to his behavior.

Love is sometimes very tough, not that being tough is a fun thing to do.

You are a brave man.

[blinc]

Well, it took awhile, but I finally got all caught up on what's been going on in your life Jody. I'm so happy for you, that you've made such positive steps to regain emotional control of your life. It sounds like you've really set your mind and heart into a positive mode. That is so great to hear! :) Don't know why really, but I'm feeling awful proud of you, for having the courage to do this. Good for you!! :)