People who don't apply themselves...

[theyeti]

I have a relative (a year younger than me) who is going to an "alternative school" of somesort... I don't know exactly what it is called. Apparently one of her friends goes there and recommended it to her. From what I hear, it operates in some strange ways, for instance, there is no homework at all- the instructor gives you an assignment and you do it right there until you're done.
The thing I see as odd is that she wasn't a bad student to begin with - she had been getting B's and C's, and I bet she could've been doing even better. She claims to her parents that she wasn't getting along with any the other students at her former school - but she has friends there, one of whom went to the alternative school with her. (And I go to her former school myself, so I know that if you can't even get along with people, you're just not trying that hard.)
Most of the other students at the alternative school have either failed courses at other schools, or have been expelled, or worse. I don't think it's a good environment to be in, but she claims that she really loves school now. I don't know if that means she loves the alternative school, or she loves the fact that she's not at the former one.
I'm happy for her, but worried that she's throwing her future away too soon. We're not particularly close at all, but I'm trying to decide if I should say something to her. I don't she would listen - she's pretty much set that her way is the right way... like she's got blinders on.
Frustrating.

[Alec]

Not every person is going to apply himself. If every person tried to be all that he could be, then you wouldn't have anyone left to do lower-level work. Even a rocket-building company can't be staffed 100% by rocket scientests because you need people to sweep the floor, pay the bills, handle human resources, type the memos, make copies, etc. You are always going to have people that are either less capable or less motivated.

[theyeti]

this isn't really related to this, but...
i just noticed that whenever i vent myself, I end the subject with "....." that. (The online version of a sigh, I guess?) Just interesting, that's all... "..."

[theyeti]

Uffda. (frozen tundra word ;))

Guess what now? This same person's younger brother is now attending the school too. (My parents got "debriefed" about it all the other day, and now they're telling me...) This might not be correct, but the way I (and I think most other people) see the school as is something like "7-time-drug-offender-last-chance" kind of thing. And ironically, they might be in that position by the time they're done there, since they seem to be forging some very unhealthy "friendships."

And apparently there's lots of other people from my town going to the alternative school as well. I'm betting this is a result of our school system which ranks 2nd to last in funding in the state - and the idiocy thereof - but still you guys, like stinks sometimes, and the people here aren't that bad. That's what keeps this school going - all of us are able to come together, even though we don't realize it half the time...

I'm just really worried about my relatives. One of her new "friends" has a baby. She's 16. She makes her drive her into school and the baby to daycare every day, without any compensation for it. Their parents don't seem to be doing anything, even though before they were willing to point out every single thing they did wrong. I know this is probably very choppy and doesn't make sense at all. I'll try and explain it better if you don't understand. Do you think I should try and talk to them? It would be difficult to make a point, but something tells me I have to try. They deserve better. Chances are I'll just get screamed at and ripped on. :( "You haven't been there, I love it there..." Yeah. They don't have textbooks. They don't have homework. I suppose you love the people who take advantage of you too...

[jamesglewisf]

I can speak as someone who spent years trying to point out the error of other people's ways. It doesn't work. Unsolicited advice rarely persuades someone to change his behavior. It's not life threatening, so I would stay out of it.

[Lisa]

I can tell you really care about your relatives. Good for you! Not too many families care about eachother anymore.

But James has a point - nobody wants unsolicited advice.

So I guess that until they ask you what you think, you just keep loving them and treating them the same as you would otherwise. You don't have to agree with what's going on, neither do your parents. But they're not your children or your sibblings. So really, your input has no weight - unless they ask for it.

Frustrating, isn't it? I had friends go to an alternative school when I was in school. One or two of them really needed it - the others used it as a cop-out. I wonder what their lives are like today. I know that even drop-outs can have just as good a life, and sometimes better, than those who finish high school. It all depends on the choices they make and how they apply themselves - both the drop-out and the graduate. Those can be tough lessons to learn though. When they happen, they'll need their family to support them and keep loving them. NO 'I told you so' comments.

It'll all come out in the wash - someday. Somehow.

Lisa

[theyeti]

Yeah, most people don't want unsolicited advice... but if they're never going to ask for it from anyone, it gets so difficult. I just wonder if she knows what she's doing, or needs someone to point her in the right direction. Her parents aren't those people. And I never really knew them (the kids) super-well beforehand, so I don't know if there's some kind of a deep rift between them, or just the "typical adolescense rebellion" kind of thing.

I suppose it just comes down to I'm just not the person to help, if anyone is. I only hope one of her better friends will help her realize that she's getting taken advantage of.

{blues}

One more thing - not everybody wants unsolicited advice.... what everybody doesn't want is to hear the same thing over and over from people who don't really know them that well. When I was depressed, oh what I would have given for someone, anyone to come up to me and say "Y'know, there are things you can do other than Prozac, why doncha go out in the sunshine or something!" You've just got to know the right words...
anyway that's a different subject...

[Alec]

The difference is that she's going around telling everyone how much she likes the new school. In her mind, there is no problem that needs help. In her mind, the new school solved a problem. I think your advice would fall on deaf ears.