Introducing son's fiancee

[Peggy]

My son's fiancee has moved across the country to live with my husband and me as she got a position teaching in the new semester coming up. They will be married in June. My question is: I would like to give her a tea or something to introduce her to my friends and family and wonder if this would be appropriate. Of course we don't expect any gifts but I would like to do something so people can get to know her. Do you have any ideas or where I might get information concerning this. Thank you so much for your input. By the way, both parties are 38 years old and never been married or lived with anyone, if that should make any difference.

[Grimey]

Sounds nice, but I have no idea about wedding etiquette.

The etiquette expert, jamesglewisf, usually only posts during non-business hours, so you'll probably have to wait until lunch or this evening to get an answer from him.

[jamesglewisf]

Normally you are right, grimey, but this etiquette forum is an extension of our company's website, findalink.net, so I'll answer the question now.

Peggy, what you are describing sounds like an engagement party.

Traditionally, gifts are brought to an engagement party. It's not considered proper etiquette to say "No gifts please" in the invitation, unless you say "In lieu of gifts, a donation to ______ charity would be appreciated." In my opinion, its better to just leave it alone and let people bring gifts.

Typically, anyone you invite to an engagement party would also be invited to the wedding and maybe even to some of the wedding showers. Proper etiquette only requires them to give one gift to the couple, regardless of how many parties they are invited to. So don't worry that they will feel obliged to bring a gift.

Having a tea sounds very nice if it is just going to be ladies. If you are going to invite men, you might consider something different. Engagement parties can be as formal or informal as you want. Some ideas include: A formal party at the country club
An outdoor barbecue
An informal party in your home with just dessert and drinks
Rent out a room at a restaurantThere really is no proper answer except that you should consider what would make your son's fiancée comfortable. If you don't know, then come up with some options and ask her.

If you want more information about engagement parties, you can ask your questions here. That's what we're here for. We can answer questions about invitations, party games, etiquette, whatever.

You can also do some searches in Google. Good search terms would be "engagement party etiquette" or just "engagement party." You can experiment around.

Peggy knew this, but here is a side note you might find interesting: Fiancée or fiancee is a woman engaged to be married. Fiancé or fiance is a man engaged to be married. The woman gets an extra "e."

[Peggy]

Thank you so much for your quick answer. This gives me quite a few options. As time goes by, I'm sure there will be more questions.

[theyeti]

Hey, I didn't know the "e" thing :)

[Peggy]

My problem is that no one knows the fiancee' since she has lived across the country and I would hate to give an Engagement Party and expect people to bring gifts to someone they do not know. I just want to introduce her so she can make some friends. She and my son will be going back to her home place to get married and it's unlikely that people here would travel there. My husband and I do plan on giving them a reception about three weeks after the wedding at my son's church here in town and inviting his friends and church members. I have a lot of friends that don't know my son. The reason being that I remarried 15 years ago and the people I knew when he was growing up, I nor he, has kept up with those relationships. I don't want people thinking I'm giving parties to just get gifts.

[jamesglewisf]

If you are concerned, then just throw a party and invite her also. You don't need to do it formal with invitations. Just call your guests and invite them over.

[weddingconsult]

Peggy,

An egagement party annoucnces the engagement. If you are just looking to introduce her to a few friends and family, I agree that having a party and inviting her is probably the best way to do it. If you want to have a formal introduction party then go ahead, but call it that, not an engagement party. You can even write something like, "come meet Jane on the invitation title that way people won't confuse it with a gift giving occasion like an engagement party or a shower. And in the end if anyone brings gifts, then they wanted to and a polite thank you followed by a thank you note is appropriate.