In Laws

[augustangel]

If you're a newlywed and ur spouse's parents wanted to move in, how would u feel?

What if you've been married 5 years? 15? 20?

[augustangel]

I'd personally hate it. I know I wont want my parents doin that to me. If they did I'd send em right over to my brother's. lol

[Grimey]

Want to move in or need to move in?

[augustangel]

Want to move in. If they need to move in, they can go to a retirement community. I know that I'd hate to be stuck with old people. My parents got me a bit old. I'm 19 and they're 53 and 62 and cranky as ever :|

so i doubt theyres ever a 'need' to move in unless for some reason a retirement place rejects them. i heard there are some really good ones.

sounds cold, but thats me.

[Grimey]

"Need to" could also be for financial reasons, not just health reasons.

I can't figure out if you are just asking a theortical question or if you are actually seeking advice.

When you say they want to is it because they miss you? What other reason would they want to move in, if it weren't health or financial?

If the reason they should no longer live by themselves is either financial or health, then I think it is our responsibility as children to take care of them. We might choose to do it through a facility, but I personally feel that should be a last resort.

I think we under-value the importance of having grandparents and parents in our lives.

[augustangel]

im not seeking advice, just askin a question. lol

[DomesticGoddess]

Not in a million years!
It would be different if we got a long,
and if I liked them, but since they've
never approved of me as their dil,
and with all the junk I had to put
up with from them, especially the mil,
it ain't never gonna happen.
Not in this lifetime!

[Madge]

Oh, boy - (this is so typcial of me, I know...) this is a tough one. If my parents needed me, I'd be there in a heartbeat without a second thought. I'd move heaven and earth to do what I needed for them. Here are the dynamics - my Mom is the most wonderful, awesome person I've ever met in my life. I adore her. My Dad is a pain in the butt. I love him very much, too. He's opinionated, boorish and dominating, discriminating, over bearing, rude, mean tempered and TOTALLY NON POLITICAL. He compares the three of us and seems to LOVE starting "little fires" between us. He's also legally blind and has certain non-life threatening health issues that I feel contribute to his being so gosh-darned ornery. My husband has no tolerance for him what so ever, and feels that I make excuses for his ignorance. I try to bridge whatever gaps exist. Mom and Dad have been very smart and educated in their retirement needs (she's 75 and he's 80). They live well through their thrift and investments and THANK GOD are in overall good health. I hope they outlive me. The subject HAS come up as to what we would do if one of them predeceases the other and the remaining parent has to go into a nursing home. My immediate answer is "NO WAY". I mean that. I do not get along with my siblings, and in fact have not spoken to either one of them in some time. I want nothing from them - I'll take care of my parents myself (I may end of divorced, but that's another conversation...)

I'm not fortunate enough to have my husband's parents in my life. My sister-in-law however is incredibly AWESOME. She's a physician, and I could not ever imagine her needing ME, but if she did, I'd be there.

[Justawoman]

I can see me doing that. Especially if it would keep them out of a nursing home before they are actually needing one. Family takes care of family. I might not always like the idea of having to do so but you back your ears and do it.

[OnceByten]

My FIL would be most welcome, my MIL on the other hand would never have a chance. Sorry, but I could not live with that woman.

[raybeck]

Guess that is what we can use the little ranch house for...lol Seriously, I would do what I needed to do, but living with me would be the very last alternative (unless we're talking for a short while). Really, that little house just might come in handy one of these days! It's close enough to be there in a flash, but still not on top of us. If they needed care beyond that, then probably living with us would not be the right answer, either.

[Madge]

I've worked in nursing homes, and I KNOW that as hard a person tries, the patient is not going to get the care and devotion they would if they wer home with a loved one. My MIL (God rest her) ws in a home for 9 years suffering from Alzheimer's. My husband and his sister had no choice in placing her in a nursing facility, as hard as that was for them - she absolutley could not be cared for at home. I cannot say that I could physically or financially care for a parent at home with Alzheimers - that's a very sad truth. But you can bet your tailfeathers I'd be there every day to make sure they were as comfortable as possible.

[Justawoman]

That was the hardest thing my mother had to do is put her mom in a home. She had alzheimers too and it got physically impossible to care for her. We had her with us as long as possible. I guess that is why I know I would try to make it work with parents or inlaws if they needed a home and help.

[Namos]

yes i would,,, but thats how i was raised and how i am, to help ppl in their time of need,,, i worked in nursing homes,, till i got sick enough from the MS multiple sclerosis that i can not drive or lift things anymore,,, so thats kinda sad, i love caring for the elderly! after my grandma passed away,, my paternal grandfather started getting sick alot and was in and outta the hospital and he asked me and my hubby and daughter to move in with him and help him,, and we did! i did that for 6 months and he passed away,, that was so hard cause i loved my pap pap!!!! that was in 1993,,, and since then, my dads mom was getting really bad and i knew it was alzhiemers,, since i dealt with that alot and she lived with my aunt,, till she started hitting and had to be moved into a nursing home,, my pap,, her hubby had a mini stroke at the same time that was going on and went blind,, so he lives with my parents,,, and i watch him on days mom and dad need to do things. so yes if anytime my parents would want to or even need to move in with me,,, i know they would never ask in a million yrs,,, but i would allow them in a heartbeat,, i wouldn;t be where i am and be the person i am today if it was not for them,,, and i would do the same thing for my mother in law!!!

[Hannamoren]

Hm....We moved to another part of the country a year ago, and not long after, my parents had sold their house, bought a caravan and moved into our yard! I did not like it at all, but my husband didn't seem to mind( We have been married for 18 years.) Now when I see my kids with my parents, I am actually happy about it. I look upon it as a gift. We do not know how long we have our parents here, and I think it is wonderfull to see them all together. But I have to say, my parents are in Spain 6 months of the year, so they are not here ALL the time.....And they claim they will move before they get too old. What ever that means.......

[raybeck]

Hanna, it is nice that your folks can bond with your children, that will be priceless to them someday. At least you know they will go to Spain, and you will get a break now and again!!! Nice too, that you DH does not mind.

[Hannamoren]

On Tuesday my parents will be back from Spain. Even though it went very well last summer, I must admitt I have this little doubt in my mind. It is hard to having to deal with two more persons every day. People who just walks into you house before you get up in the morning, sitting in your livingroom when you go to bed..Oh man, Having second thoughts again. {hypno}Must stop thinking about it {hypno}

[misterstine]

don't think about it, don't do it, don't ever speak of it. Run the other way, do not look at the light just run. Kids are not meant to live there parents after age 18 trust me. I did it for 3 years with my inlaws at the age of 28 and I am now clinically insane. They drove me insane and told me how to live, how to raise my kids, how to eat, how to sleep, how to breath. Do yourself the favor if you can put them in a home do it. If you can leave your house for weeks at a time maybe. But other wise just do yourself in and forget it. STOP THE MADNESS what is wrong with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!