Just need to vent

[Debby]

I just need to vent. I have been a mod at another site for almost 4 years....then because I am going back to school after all these years (I graduated high school in 1984) and have less time online, I was asked to step down as a mod. I was hurt. This schooling is only temporary. And I am still online as much as possible during the week. But I hold no bad feelings towards the owner of the site, she is a wonderful person and is doing what she thinks is best. Also I was hurt by someone I considered a very dear friend and who just because I was having problems with my husband called me and told me if I didn't leave him she wanted nothing further to do with me and then hung up on me. That really hurt, Bad. I have prayed about my problems with my husband and he does not physically abuse me so I am in no danger...I think God wants me to give my marriage another chance...we have been married almost 10 years. Is it right for someone to give me an ultimatum like that as a friend??? And then I find out she is talking about it to all the others although I had said not one word about it to any of them. I just feel betrayed by someone I thought was a good online friend. It just hurts and i needed to vent. She has told people she is doing this because she thinks I am in a self destructive relationship....and she is "saving" me.. Who gives her the right to judge that??? Do real friends give you an ultimatem and then hang up on you???? I can't even imagine doing that to someone! That is not helping!!!! It is further hurting! And to find out she is telling all the other mods about it!!!! *sigh* I am just heartsick. Please pray for me. I need to get rid of this bitterness in my heart. It really hurts and I know God does not want me to leave my husband...we have our problems, but I do love him and he is a wonderful father to my daughter and his two kids by his first marriage. I just can't believe an online friend I thought so much of would treat me like this! Wanting nothing further to do with me if I don't leave him!!! And hanging up on me! I am just shocked and I also thank God for bringing a new Christian online friend (which I posted about in the testimonies forum) into my life when I needed her most. If it wasn't for her, I would be feeling so much worse than I am....but God sends his angels when we need them. She really cares about me and I love her so much! I didn't want to trust anyone after being hurt so bad, and when she and I started talking, I was wary...but I heard a voice saying,"It's okay....this time you can trust" and I know it was from God. I hope I don't sound silly here. Just needed to vent.

[Alec]

There is no place in the Bible that requires divorce. For Christians, divorce is only an option if your spouse is committing adultery or if your unbelieving spouse wants out of the marriage. If your friend is encouraging you to leave your husband because she thinks it is a "destructive" relationship, then she is off base. That is totally unbiblical.

Do real friends give you ultimatums? It depends. If you were cheating on your husband or taking drugs, a real friend might say that she wouldn't speak with you anymore until you quit doing so. However, delivering ultimatums over non-moral issues is not usually what a real friend would do.

[theyeti]

No, that wasn't in the least right for her to treat you like that. You are right, it is hurting not helping.

That's a big con of making friends online, I think... they're able to hide just enough from you that you might not see it coming if they're in a bad mood or just plain have mean streaks... or just wouldn't have probably been your friend in real life. (I'm sure you already know this Debby but for others - ) I don't think it means you shouldn't try to form friendships online, just to beware that things like this can happen - it's "emotionally dangerous," you might say.

As for your husband, as long as he's not abusing you (remember verbal/mental abuse is abuse too), I think your friend is way off base... divorce is always an option out there, but praying about it a lot first, and of course counseling, is always a better option.

I hope everything gets better soon :) dangit where's that hug smilie?!

[Debby]

Thanks for listening, guys! My husband has in the past been a bit mentally abusive at times, but he is working on it and trying to do better. We have actually been getting along very well lately. I pray for him. If you can spare a prayer, I sure could use one for God to help me let go of the hurt I am feeling right now.

[jamesglewisf]

I'm sorry you're going through this. We'll pray for you for sure. Alec is spot on about the Biblical aspects.