Ego driven gift?

[correctness]

My favorite aunt (on my father's side) recently died (December 6) at age 90. She had reached her 90th birthday on October 30. My cousin had given her a birthday gift of a comforter that had pictures and symbols of the schools in the district where he is the superintendant of schools.
When she died, he sent the comforter to my father saying he wanted him to have it to remember his sister. My father got really upset because it seems that this gift didn't remind him of his sister. It only showed ego on the part of my cousin.
What do you all think of this as well as giving gifts to others that represent things relevant to our own lives (like jobs, schools and organizations)? Seems to me that they are only ego driven and that other people don't really care about them. Seems selfish to me...

[jamesglewisf]

The assumption is that you know the other person's heart. Maybe she had always taken an interest in what he did, so he gave her the comforter. Maybe what it symbolized is how much she thought of him and how special that made him feel.

It's better to assume the best about someone than the worst. Unless she made some negative comment to you about the comforter, you have no way of knowing how she felt about it.

Your aunt is dead. Don't look for someone to be mad at because of it. It is hard to lose your aunt, but that doesn't mean you need to look for bad motives in your cousin. If you loved your aunt and she was a loving person, then she wouldn't be happy with you looking for a reason to tear down your cousin.

[Justawoman]

Jim couldn't we go back even further than the Aunt? Suppose the cousin knew the comforter wouldn't really cost him much, seeing as how he was a part of all those schools and he just wanted the Aunt to have something warm on her bed, lap, feet, etc..

Our school has those comforters and they are wool. If this one is like that I would love to have it just for the warmth. Seems the Dad in this picture took it wrong to me, with that I do agree Jim. Why do people always want to assume someone has the wrong motive for being nice?

[Noseypoo]

Why do people always want to assume someone has the wrong motive for being nice?
I wholeheartedly agree with you.
Believe it or not, there are some nice people left in this world, although it doesn't seem like it all the time ;)

[correctness]

Thanks everyone,

I spoke to my father about your responses. He jokingly admitted to being a bit like Ebeneezer Scrooge. He felt he would have appreciated the gift from my cousin if it at least had my aunt's name on it. But he didn't think he'd have gotten it if that had been the case.

My cousin said he wanted my father to have it as a remembrance of my aunt. There was nothing on the comforter that had any indication of my aunt on it... If it had said "To Aunt____, Love____ ", it would have been different. This is really why he took it as pure ego on my cousin's part. It looked like my cousin was just showing off. The round about gift was just not appreciated.

My father has given the comforter to my sister. I have a feeling this comforter will end up with people who haven't a clue of where these schools are. Maybe one of the readers of this forum will end up with it :-)).
All of your responses are very positive and much appreciated.

I still haven't heard how y'all feel about giving a non personalized gift that represents things like your school, job or organization. Is this a faux pas or what?

Thanks again,

Tom

[Justawoman]

This lil town where I live and grew up in does this all the time. You can't go into any business where they have known you all your life and not walk out with a cup, calendar, hat, t-shirt, etc... that doesn't have a logo on it. I know it is free advertising but when it is a friend that gives it to you, that works there, it screams cheap but hey at least I thought to remember to give you something. I don't ever read to much into it, otherwise I would go around thinking everyone I know is downright cheap. *L*

Personally I don't do it and I could pass out caps with my husband's business on it. I think it is tacky this time of year to do that.

[correctness]

Agree with you there my dear. It's especially tacky when the person gives it to a second person, (i.e. my father) and saying it should remind him of my aunt!! It only reminds him of a cheap tacky person (my cousin!!)

[jamesglewisf]

Since you don't know how your aunt felt about it, you should leave judgment about it to the the only two other people who do know how she felt about it -- your cousin (possibly) and God.

Remember that sitting around talking about someone behind their back is called gossiping. That is just as inappropriate, maybe even more so, than giving a tacky gift.

[Justawoman]

If they don't want it give it to Salvation Army. Someone out there would really enjoy and appreciate the warmth. Out of sight out of mind.