Help!!!

[crescendo]

Hello...my family is in a big 'war' over an event that happened, which we all disagree on. I need perspective on etiquette from others and would appreciate your help.

My mother and sister live 30 miles away. We we scheduled to have dinner at a restaurant only 10 minutes from my place. My brother-in-law and were doing contsruction on my house and he needed a fresh change of clothes. My mother and sister did not want to drive the extra ten minutes to deliver his clothes (my sister wanted him to change in the restaurant bathroom). After my brother in law told my sister he would not change in the restaurant bathroom, they drove to my house, pulled up front, HONKED THE HORN, dropped off my 4 year old nephew and left for the restaurant, WITHOUT EVEN TAKING A MINUTE TO COME IN AND SAY HELLO, SEE OUR WORK, ETC.

Do you think that this is rude? Please help!!

Marc

[crescendo]

Etiquette-please Help!!

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Hello...my family is in a big 'war' over an event that happened, which we all disagree on. I need perspective on etiquette from others and would appreciate your help.

My mother and sister live 30 miles away. We we scheduled to have dinner at a restaurant only 10 minutes from my place. My brother-in-law and were doing contsruction on my house and he needed a fresh change of clothes.

My mother and sister did not want to drive the extra ten minutes to deliver his clothes (my sister wanted him to change in the restaurant bathroom).

After my brother in law told my sister he would not change in the restaurant bathroom, they drove to my house, pulled up front, HONKED THE HORN, dropped off my 4 year old nephew and left for the restaurant, WITHOUT EVEN TAKING A MINUTE TO COME IN AND SAY HELLO, SEE OUR WORK, ETC.

Do you think that this is rude? Please help!!

Marc

[Noseypoo]

I personally think it's rude, they could've at least knocked on the door, dropped your nephew off and let you know that they have to get going because of the reservation at the restaurant ...

I can't stand it when people are too lazy to get out of the car and go knock on the door.

[JacMac]

First off, so that I'm not rude, Welcome.
Of course it is! Is this typical behavior for them? I guess I would say that everyone has different perspectives on what they consider rude. You need to base this opinion on what is considered average for their behavior. Did you tell them that you were offended by the fact that they could not be bothered to come in and see your hard work? What did they say? Would your sister be okay with changing in a restaurant bathroom? If not, she should expect no less of him. Have they shared their perspective with you since you said there is a "war" going on? If there is behind the scenes stuff going on that made them respond this way then it would be hard to make a call on that. But if this was out of nowhere and out of character then I would say, yes, it is rude.

[theyeti]

I moved this to the etiquette forum and merged it with the other thread of the same topic :-)

[Justawoman]

Well instead of making this world war three He should have just showed up in his dirty clothes or not showed up at all. You could have fed your brother-inlaw and enjoyed a stress free meal together. I am pretty sure that would have changed their whole outlook on not wanting to help him.

I have showed up a many a time somewhat dusty after being on the construction site all day. I was too tired to care what anyone thought and far to hungry to worry. No one at the establishments we would go into seem to mind either. I am pretty sure the wait staff can tell you have been working.

[CuriousG]

It sounds like your sister and mother were being pretty selfish. They would rather have everyone else make compromises than be inconvenienced themselves. Usually this is part of a pattern. I wouldn't be surprised if you said things like this happen a lot.

[Alec]

It is wrong on many levels.
Your brother-in-law should have brought a change of clothes with him. That was not very thoughtful on his part.
Your brother-in-law is human. Forgetting the change of clothes shouldn't warrant that type of response. If he does this kind of thing all of the time, then I can see why his wife would be frustrated and tell him to change in the restroom. If he doesn't do it all of the time, then she should think about how she would want to be treated if the situation was in reverse. Most women wouldn't want to change clothes in a public restroom.
I can understand not wanting to change clothes in the restroom. That said, if I blew it by not bringing a change of clothes, then I may have just changed in the restroom.
Dropping a 4-year-old off in the front yard and honking is mean to the child, endangers the child, and is rude.
Your need for approval of the work you had done is not really relevant to the issue. If they wanted to eat more than they wanted to see your work, than that is not a problem. It's not particularly nice, but it is not rude either. If you are just using that as an excuse to get them to bring the clothes, then it is not relevant either. However, not wanting to see your work doesn't justify any of the other behavior.

[Justawoman]

I agree Alec with everything you posted. I also get the feeling we are not getting the whole picture. Something made them that impatient and if they are that way 24/7 then she should not have been so shocked by their behavior.