RSVP -- Proper etiquette concerning "no shows"

[Sittergalsal]

I work for a non profit organization and we sponsor several events each year where we require RSVP's. We have had a lot of problems in the past with guests who rsvp and then don't show up and offer no apologies, etc.
Our dinners are usually $40.00 a plate, so if someone doesn't show up, our organization ends up paying these costs regardless. Is it proper to note somewhere on the rsvp card about having a 24 hour cancellation rule, or guest may be required to pay? Or would that be tacky?

[Noseypoo]

Welcome to FrappyDoo! {wavey}

I think they should pay anyways, or there would be no need for RSVP.
Unless, like you said, put a cancellation rule on the card. I think it should be more then 24 hrs though, let's say at least 48 hrs ... it would make it easier on the cooks/caterers.

Just my 2 cents ...

[theyeti]

tapped this over to the etiquette forum :)

[jamesglewisf]

I need more information. Do the guests pay to attend the event or is it free?

[Sittergalsal]

Our banquets are paid for by a very generous donor. However, with all the costs involved in putting on a large dinner (usually between 700-800 people)
what is donated by this man doesn't cover the whole cost, so it's free for the people attending, but not really free. Does that make sense?

[jamesglewisf]

I'm afraid that no-shows are part of the deal. Those people are not being polite, but it will always occur. You can't charge people for not showing up if you wouldn't charge them for showing up.

I assume that the bankquet is either for fundraising or to say thank you to donors. In either case, if the benefit of the banquet doesn't outweigh the cost, you should just stop having it. If the benefit does outweigh the cost, then you should stop focusing on the negatives and rejoice that the banquets are a success. Just consider no-shows part of doing business.

In conclusion, in my opinion it would be inappropriate to have a 24-hour cancellation rule. That would only be appropriate if the guests were paying for their own plates, and then the rule would be that they had to provide 24-hours notice to receive a refund.

[Sittergalsal]

Thanks, Jim!
I agree with you, but I have others in my organization who want to punish people for not showing up! Now I have some ammunition!
Appreciate it!

[jamesglewisf]

Punishing them would not be very charitable. ;)

RSVPs are a real problem. People ask to come at the last minute. They show up without notice. They don't come when they said they would. It's part of throwing large events.

Things happen. Guests get sick. Their children get sick. The boss calls a meeting. A server goes down. The day gets busy, and they just forget. My parents once showed up for a birthday party on the wrong weekend (a week late). My mom wrote it in the calendar incorrectly.

[jaimegerise]

I wasn't sure if I should start another thread or not, but I have a similar (eh sorta, I dunno) question....

What about say, when you have a wedding, and the invites specify an RSVP.
Let's say you send out about 200 invites. Only about 50 RSVP and show up. The other 150 don't RSVP, don't show up, and never acknowledge/call about it. They don't send gifts, they don't add to your bridal registry, NOTHING. What's up with that?

[jamesglewisf]

I'd say you sent about 150 more invitations than you needed to. ;) All joking aside, sometimes we send invitations to people we rarely see or talk to out of some sense of obligation because we were childhood friends or they are business associates of your parents or family friends.

I get wedding invitations from people whom I haven't seen in 5 years. I usually don't go or send a gift. I believe wedding invitations should be sent to people I have a relationship with now, not in the past. We do RSVP, however.

Sending someone an invitation to your wedding does not create an obligation for attendance or a gift. Nowadays, most people don't send regrets. They just tell you if they are coming. It would be more polite if they did, but they don't.

[jaimegerise]

Well, a LOT of those 150 were family members (hubby's got a HUGE family)
Some were even family that lived a block from the reception site! EEEK...

oh well....just erks me when it concerns his family because they expect us to be at every dern function they create and gripe and moan about it if we don't show up, but yet they've never uttered a word about our wedding.

Oh well, thanks anyway heh

[Justawoman]

Just tell em that "turn about is fair play" and leave em thinkin. Plus if they get mad that you all can't show up every function then just tell yourself, "they have the same pants to get glad in." Families can be the most difficult to deal with.

[Madge]

Hi Sittergalsal -

TACKY??!!?? No way. I also do a lot of non-profit and charity work that includes many functions meant to raise awareness of certain needs in my community as well as raise funds. People KNOW better, especially when what they've been invited to is a non-profit. This topic really burns me up... Here's what I do -

When the invite has been sent, always indicate RSVP and the date you need to hear from them by (as you already do). I try to make sure that the recipient(s) of the event is listed on the invitation, and right next do it I suggest "donation of $25.00 per person (or whichever amount you feel is appropriate)". Try it!

[Sittergalsal]

Madge,
Thanks for the suggestion. I will bring it up with our committee.
Thanks everyone for your input!