too concerned?

[in_lv]

well, my boyfriend has been divorced for about 1 yr and seperated for 2. He has custody of his son, and took some time off from relationships for a while, so i am the first serious girlfriend he's had since his ex-wife. But the thing is, I can be a bit competative when it comes to the ex's. My problen is that apparently after the divorce they got into this really wild and crazy sex. Of course, being in competative mode, this makes me a bit insecure and always wondering if i am up to his "standards". Maybe i'm just being insecure, but i've always thought that I was a little more of the frisky type in bed until I heard of some of the things they did. What really bothers me, is that when i ask him how i compare to her in bed he gets very offensive and wont answer me and says "sex isn't everything" and that hes satisfied, but of course i take it as him not wanting to tell me shes better in bed or something. Am I thinking too much? Of course i'm gonna wonder and worry about him maybe missing that or something. I can take it a different way too: they didnt start that crazy stuff till 6 months after their divorce, and they were together for about 9 years. maybe thats all they had left? (can u tell i'm insecure?) well, it took him 6 years to marry her and she asked him, we've only been together for not even 1 yr and he's asked me. can anyone tell me where i might stand? should i not worry so much about the bedroom?

[jamesglewisf]

There's a pretty simple solution -- Run away. It doesn't look like he really wants to be married, he just wants someone to have sex with.

There's another solution -- quit having sex outside of marriage. Make the guy wait for marriage to have sex. If he won't, he's not worth having; and you know what he really wants -- sex, not marriage.

[jamesglewisf]

Here are some troubling statistics taken from Should We Live Together (http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/swlt2.pdf)? pubished by the National Marriage Project (http://marriage.rutgers.edu/) at Rutgers University.

"Fully three-quarters of children born to cohabiting parents will see their parents split up before they reach age 16, whereas only about a third of children born to married parents face a similar fate."

"Annual rates of depression among cohabiting couples are more than three times what they are among married couples."

"And women in cohabiting relationships are more likely than married women to suffer physical and sexual abuse."

"Two studies, one in Canada and the other in the United States, found that women in cohabiting relationships are about nine times more likely to be killed by their partner than are women in marital relationships."

Another interesting study can be found here - http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/SOOU/SOOU2005.pdf

[Hannamoren]

Don't worry. As he sais, sex isn't all. Trust him on that. If sex is all there is in a relationship, it really gets borring after a little while. Don't compaire yourself to her. He divorced her for a reason. I have learned (the hard way) that thinking about your husbands past really don't bring anything good. You only hurt yourself by thinking about it, and he will only get hurt by you bringing it up all the time. If you are sure you want to stay with this man, accept his past, don't compeet with it.

Hope it made any sence to you. Good luck!