Arguments - Your Thoughts

[TWTCommish]

What are you policies on arguments? What do you do/not do? Does it depend on the person/situation?

I ask because I got into an argument with my aunt this afternoon.

Here's the setting: she works for my dad part time scheduling people (most authors of books my dad has an interest in) for his morning radio show. He has me and my brother doing some work as well - my younger brother looks up publisher's phone numbers on the web, and I handle a lot of the scheduling.

Thanks to my dad giving me a kick in the butt, I got moving and wiped through a giant pile of books, making about 30 calls in one day.

She didn't like one of my methods for confirming interviews - a small email I send her whenever someone has been officially scheduled for an interview, and it's been entered into the calendar on the computer.

Quite frankly, I didn't hear one valid point as to what I did wrong, but if I missed it, I basically told her that I was told by Susan (my stepmother, and basically a higher power than my Aunt in this situation) to do it the way I did, and I told her why it made sense to me and her.

The general reply was not an answer, but a "stop arguing with me" type of thing. We went back and forth a bit, and at the end I came out and said:

"Why am I the one arguing? I'm not talking to myself - you're arguing right back at me." I went off on a small speech for about 15-20 seconds after that, and she remained silent for awhile and went on with her day.

Shortly afterwards, we walked by each other in a small hall - she was heading for the bathroom, and slammed the door when she got there - knowing full well I would be aware of it.

Now, I'm not angry - but she is. Both my parents heard about this and are fully backing me, so that's good - but they both agree I got a little worked up at the end. Not as worked up as her, but too worked up anyway.

Anyway, that's enough about me - just felt I wanted to say it here. What kind of things do you say when arguing? What people do you usually argue with? How does it usually end? I'd like to know! :)

[Karenluvs6]

I don't like to argue with anyone!
I have a horrible habit of saying really mean things when I am angry...most things I say, I end of regretting!
Once I had an argument with the hubby and told him that I hated him...Even though he didn't react on it, and he knew that I only said it because I was mad, I regret that more than anything I have ever said to anyone in my life!
Arguing can be worse than fist fighting sometimes....I can hurt more than punches!

[blinc]

There's times when you just have to figure out if winning an argument is really worth the damage it does. If you know you aren't going to change a persons ways, or help them to expand their mind, what's the point in wasting the time? It's a bucketful of aggravation and frankly, I don't waste my time on those kinds of people anymore. I'm too old and life's too short!! {toothy}

[TWTCommish]

Good point - it's all very specialized really. In some cases, however, I think we all know it's best to "stand up" for ourselves. In these cases I think the key is in not giving in, but not losing your cool either.

[Karenluvs6]

that's my problem....I don't have the patience to stand up for myself, and state my case....prove that I am right....without losing my cool.
I usually lose it before the argument even starts!

[jamesglewisf]

You need to be respectful to anybody you get into an argument with, but especially if he or she is your elder. In this case, if you were disrespectful to your aunt, you need to go apologize and tell her that regardless of the disagreement, it is not OK for you to be disrespectful. Just make sure that your apology is not a veiled attack.

At this point, regardless of who is wrong, I would be a peacemaker. Tell her you want to make peace. Ask her if there is anything she is still upset with you about, and then don't argue with her, just ask for her forgiveness. Regardless of what you meant during the argument, you still probably hurt her feelings.

Don't tell her anything that upset you about the argument unless she asks you to. It is not a sincere apology if you are just looking for another opportunity to complain.

Whatever you do, don't get into an argument about the emails again, even if she brings it up. If she does bring it up, tell her to ask your Dad and that you'll abide by whatever they agree to.

If she doesn't bring it up, ask your dad if it is alright to confirm by email. If he says yes, then ask him to talk to your aunt about it. I'd also ask him what to do next time you get into an argument with her.

Try not to put your Dad into an awkward position. Don't put him in the spot by asking him in front of your aunt. This is already awkward enough because his sister and his son are both working for him.

My father and I own a company together. My sister works for us, and at one time my brother and my other sister's husband worked for us. Family businesses are great, but they can also be a challenge. Help your Dad by being a peacemaker.

[blinc]

James, that is probably some of the best advice I've ever seen.

[theyeti]

Agreed.

[TWTCommish]

I agree - but I don't believe I was anywhere near disrespectful. I argued peacefully, maintaining a steady tone of voice, while hers raised a bit throughout.

The only thing I may have done wrong is at the end when I talked quickly to get my point across.

Anyway, things seem to have blown over - I don't know if she's mad or not, but she seems to have cooled down, so I doubt it will be brought up again. I'm still terribly frustrated by how hypocritical the thing was, but I'm not mad at all.

So, here's the question: assuming I was right, and was not disrespectful or anything or the sort (I can't be totally positive, but I'm darn close), what should I do? It seems to have blown over, but is it my job to go up to her anyway, or do I figure I was right, and I did nothing wrong, and it seems okay now?

I appreciate all your advice, even if I end up choosing a different course in the end.

[Dude111]

I dont like to argue with anyone (Its not in my nature) but sometimes arguing helps get the anger,etc out and lets you then move on :)

And then some people ARE SO DENSE its hard not to get in some sort of spat with them :(