My foot-shaped mouth

[jamesglewisf]

My mouth is my biggest trouble. When I got engaged, I started reading books about marriage. I read about 15 of them. After a while I started to get depressed because book after book talked about the fact that most problems in marriage found their roots in the man. And these were books written primarily by men. It wasn't just women bashing men.

That wasn't the most depressing part though. The most depressing part was the fact that daily I was having to apologize to my fiancé for something I said that hurt her feelings. And I was truly in the wrong.

I finally got fed up and decided to read a book written for women about marriage (also written by a man). Guess what? The main theme of the book was how to overcome your husband's inability to communicate, lead a family, and otherwise have a good relationship.

I was crushed. Needless to say, I decided to stop reading the books.

I'd like to tell you that things improved. Actually, the only thing that really improved much was my skill at apologizing. I think I only had three days during our 11 month and 19 day engagement where I didn't have to apologize at least once! Pretty sad.

So how do you win the battle against the tongue? I was once told that the best method was to memorize relevant Scripture. If you have it memorized, you've given God a tool He can use 24 hours a day to prick your conscience.

In this thread, I'll give you some Scripture that has helped me. Please share your own opinion.

[jamesglewisf]

Proverbs 10:19
In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.

Proverbs 12:16
A fool's wrath is known at once, but a prudent man covers shame.

Proverbs 12:18
There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 12:23
A prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims foolishness.

Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:28
The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.

Proverbs 16:24
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.

Proverbs 17:14
The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.

Proverbs 17:27
He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.

Proverbs 18:2
A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart.

Proverbs 18:13
He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.

Proverbs 20:3
It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel.

Proverbs 22:11
He who loves purity of heart and has grace on his lips, the king will be his friend.

Proverbs 29:11
A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.

James 1:19-20
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

James 1:26
If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless.

[Carrie Earls]

My brother has a foot-shaped mouth? Never! Don't be too hard on yourself, Jim, I think it must be a genetic tendency.

Love,
Your Sister

Seriously, I think we all can understand your frustration. As our kids get older, we can not only identify with the communication struggles we have with our mates, but with our children as well. The opportunities to fail only become more abundant!

Thankfully, God's grace is sufficient and His mercy is great.

You hit on two major keys: Scripture memory, so that we can be adequately equipped with God's Word to battle the problem; and faithfully asking the forgiveness of those we have offended, so that we can be reconciled to them.

I think a third major key is prayer. It is so important to daily put our failures at the feet of the Lord, ask His forgiveness, and then ask for Him to change us. Be specific, such as "Lord, take the edge off my speech. Teach me to be less offensive, more winsome. Make my words sweet, not harsh. Help me to encourage, not discourage others. Help me to bless others, not curse. Show me ways to build others up with my words, rather than tear them down. Teach me restraint." You get the picture. He'll do it. We just have to be on our toes, listening for His direction!

I think the battle of the tongue is probably one of the most difficult battles to win. Praise God that He is greater than all of our weaknesses! Or we would all be lost.

[blinc]

I just had to smile when I saw the title of this thread.
Oooh boy, isn't it amazing how easily that foot just pops right up in there? I guess for me, trying not to speak in anger is the biggest help I've come across. A hurtful thing can be said in a few seconds, that can be remembered and cause pain for years. I try to remember that.

[Justawoman]

So has the foot-shaped mouth gotten better? And believe me it is not just a man thing. After 20 years together I can still find my foot in my mouth on occassion.

[jamesglewisf]

I'm definitely doing better. There's nothing like 10 years of practice.

[spirit renewed]

Definitely not just a man problem.

[Justawoman]

To me this is one of the most hardest things to apologize for. I guess because it would have took me no more time to stop and think before I speak than to just blurt something insensitive that hurt someone I love. I always feel so sheepish after doing something so stupid.