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Well, I thought it was
Sixth Grade History Lessons
Here are some actual answers to a sixth grade history
- Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies, and they all wrote
- They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of
the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live
- Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients.
- Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
- Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
- The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks
also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
- Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him.
Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his
death, his career suffered a dramatic decline
More Sixth Grade History Lessons
Here are some more actual answers to
a sixth grade history test:
- In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
- Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields
of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they
thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped
out, "Teehee, Brutus."
- Joan of Arc was burned at the steak and was canonized
by Bernard Shaw.
- Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of
blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure who
invented cigarettes and started smoking.
- Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100'
- The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly
on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous
only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies,
and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
These are actual announcements from actual church
- Don't let worry kill you—let the church help.
- Thursday night—Potluck supper. Prayer and medication
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
church and community.
- For those of you who have children and don't know
it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce
the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and
Mrs. Julius Belzer.
- This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South
and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized
at both ends.
- Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social.
All ladies giving milk will please come early.
- Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson
will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied
by the pastor.
- Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the
Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little
Mothers" will meet with the pastor in his study.
- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis
to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
- The service will close with "Little Drops of
Water." One of the ladies will start quietly
and the rest of the congregation will join in.
- Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to
defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing
to do something on the new carpet will come forward
and do so.
- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing
of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement
- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen
to the choir practice.
- The preacher will preach his farewell message, after
which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With
- Today...Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality
Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot
for this activity.
- During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the
rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B.
Doe supplied our pulpit.
- The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight
of his audience.
- The church is glad to have with us today as our
guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs.
Green with him. After the service we request that
all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the
- The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
"Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday
at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this
Amazing new medical information.
- The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
- The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
- The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
- The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
- Conclusion: Eat and drink whatever you want. It's speaking English that kills you.